the simple life
It began innocently enough, with just a little touch o' the BIID, but I went on a bender and just couldn't seem to stop! Now that I've been reduced to my essential part, very little maintenance is required, just an occasional feeding... kind of like a houseplant.
posted by sloth @ 11:12 PM
60 comments
60 Comments:
did I mention my detachable anus?
Ok wait, are there meds being delivered transcutaneously via the anus? Or what? Or just a cleanser? Sloth wowee. I would like to get on board if you think it's a worthwhile pursuit. I will try anything these days. You mentioned something about a detachable anus - do you have detachable buttocks too? Are these yours?
Love,
Confused but Curious
mm, I think i need to borry your wagon.
My wagon is your wagon. Take it.
Good of your dental hygenist to help out with the feeding. This new streamlined version of yourself is pretty SNAZZY! Do you come with a sholder strap? By the way, I got a bunch of extra detachable anuses if anyone wants one
As your #1 Fanny, I Can get Behind this post 100% Butt I have a Haunch theres more to this them meets the eye, we must get to the Bottom of this immediatly.
Corny your sense of humor is highly subtle. My tush is green from the actions of the pond scums. I am jealous of this clean fleshy tush.
corny you made me snort.
Thanks frogs, you are savvy and discerning in the wit dept. I learnt my ways at the BobHopeUpstairsHumorAcademy
by the way frogs, I have scum build up too, it helps the pants slide on easier. If your build-up gets to thick I can scrape you down, I've been growing out my thumb nail for the job.
why are you all laughing at the detachable bum? Sometimes it is medically necessary to have one. please do not mock the afflicted.
can we see a top?
lol, Oh corny, I want to audit a course at the BHUHA! My blogging is a little behind, sorry for being such a bum. I've been working my ass off to pay studio rent, which is in arrears...
And not only do I come with a shoulder strap, I am now fully shoulder-mounted. Be the first on your block!
Oh god slothy! Less is more right? I think this is something that J-Lo should do.
Sloths, I'm sorry but I have to call you out, I recognize that technique, you have secretly been taking classes at BHUHA with Milton Brele!
Good idea, PD. Shoot, I just saw her at the P.R. Day parade... woulda told her if only.
Fer meself, I am considering changing my name to "Boom-Boom." I've been working up an act.
From one choad to another: you're really lookin' good these days, Slothy.
I smell Bum bum, Slothy. Maybe I sat in the wrong seat on the subway. Time for a transplant.
"I smell bum bum Slothy."
"Do you come with a shoulder strap?"
"OK wait, are there meds being delivered transcutaneously via the anus?"
AHHHH! Joie de vivre up in here.
Yes, random converstion here in the ether. I am trying to work in "ether talk" in all my daily conversation.
capt'n, since I don't have eyes anymore, my other senses have increased in acuity. My choad-senses are tingling, which means you are looking mighty fine yerself.
(beige is chapping me raw today... and being all bum I am ALL CHAP.)
No, pd, not random! Not random at all!
I meant brilliant, I meant cracking me the hell up, I meant these are some of my favorite quotes of the day, along with some of the toxic waste stuff and BJ and the Bear. Just for the record.
Sloth,
I'm sorry. I guess you'll need to call in the hands in gloves to administer the chapstick.
Get well soon!
why so chapped slothy?
Is it okay to tell my boss I do not want to work in this toxic waste dump?
well, for one thing they are making me WORK my little toes to the bone, which shows that they do not unnerstand the true nature of the sloth, and (b) annoying Jersey Boy co-worker is getting under my skin...
1. gave the entire office his cold, including me
2. mumbles to self
3. plays techno at a very low volume
4. sighs constantly
5. sniffles due to coke habit
6. is brain damaged
7. mouth breather
I could go on...
pd, let's run away. now.
Aw the mouth breather thing is the straw that broke the Slothy's back. We need to slice and run, Slothy, there is no other way. My co-workers have left me all alone. I am not complaining.
PD, i am crying my eyes out with jealousy...... I need some Coworker Formula Raid.
Quick Kill Formula, so you get the eggs...even before they are fertilized.
truly bad slothy. You can use my flail.
and my suit of armor.
I want to run away with slothy too.
Sloths will you run away with me too?
You can ride on my sholders, I'll spread the soothing ointments and
more.
The co-worker who sits next to me is the kind of person who actually calls the 800 numbers listed on products such as cereal and shampoo, and then engages the poor operators in endless conversations about nothing. This happens once she realizes that I am resolutely ignoring her. A nice sharp deli-slicer could help. I don't feel guilty for feeling this way.
Hi guys. I am shunning myself, ostracizing myself just for fun. Have you tried it? It's not actually as fun as I thought it would be. Anyway. Sorry about the mouth breather. Very grody.
hi mm, I have run myself out of town! with rocks! It's more fun, more sporty that way.
JD, this person must be dealt with, preferably in a violent manner. Or if you want to avoid bloodshed, have her call 1-800-EAT-SHIT... that'll keep her busy.
Has anyone actually tried to call that number, by the way?
I just called, the number is
1 (800)328-7448
There's a messege that says "mmmm, Hi baby, virtual girls in our chat room are waiting to talk to you in their hot little nities, call now, they want you..." then there's another number.
Whats a virtual girl? are they robots? are they mist?
Wow, I just called. Thanks for the tip Slothy and Corns. I was virtually turned on by it.
MM, I miss your virtuality.
Ha ha, 1-800-EAT-SHIT!! I'm snorting late-night coffee out of my nose, Sloth. Thanks for that.
Corny and Vapes, when I called the number, all I got was a middle-aged sounding woman offering me three differently-prepared shit dishes. Did I dial wrong?
I'm still at work. This is wrong, I know.
JD! Yes, but it is HOW they offered the dishes, not the dishes themselves--right?
Go home JD. I ordered you up some take-out. It will be there when you get home.
JD, my heart is sad for you there at the beige so very, very late. It is a wrongness that should never be endured.
I hope you are home by now JD. There is a wrongness all around for having to beige it so late.
Time for vacation I say.
BTW jd, I must give attribution where credit is due: our one and only Goddess of the Corn produced a series of very lovely bumper stickers that say: "How's my painting? Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT." I have one in my studio as we speak and it cracks me up daily.
Ha ha again to Corny! Where can I purchase this bumper sticker?
PD, I did order takeout, from the 1-800-EAT-SHIT phone ladies. It was waiting for me when I got home, and it was still steaming hot. Delicious.
I got home from work late last night, but the good thing is that I'm done now for a while, and making art will soon ensue. The bad thing is that the Shrub's news conference is now on teh radio, and for some reason I'm listening to it. How could this man have been elected twice? How????????
Ooops, pardon me. SELECTED twice.
sloth i think you need to spit up a little of the anal goo at the mouth breather/sniffler. have the nurse feed you just a lil' too much. ugh. beige. jd, your story made me sad but i am glad you had a steaming pile to come home to.
Thanks FB! I have leftovers, too. If freshly harvested, shit keeps remarkably well in tupperware. Reheating it is the bitch.
Sloth, have you tried the headphones (with or without sound) to block out the mouthbreathing sounds?
Excellent suggestion, FB! Maybe I can transmit some kind of butt-related disease while I'm at it. Frst I have to work a little on aim and distance. I'll set up a tin can at home for target practice.
JD, I am intrigued by your headphone suggestion; I don't have a head anymore, so figuring out how exactly to wear them is gonna be a challenge. Is there such thing as disembodied-assphones?
Yes, Sloth, the assphones work amazingly well, but the action might be interpreted by the mouth-breather as somehow insulting. Proceed at your own risk. I think FB's suggestion is also a good, if repulsive, alternative.
see slothy rock:
http://www.lesionallevil.com
just in the poster; not the concert clip, btw.
Would you make that face if I sung you the Sinister Ducks song accapella?
this link leads me to a yahoo search page. am i a tard? i can't figure it all out.
cool sloth rocking out yeah!
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