Thursday, May 04, 2006

root! root!



This is how I make money now. I hang out by my front stoop and challenge passersby to various kinds of competitions of the "iron man" variety. In this photo, I am allowing the geezer to win so he will come back for more, then I raise the stakes. Tricky, right?

I need more ideas for sidewalk Summer Games to get the sloth-pockets jingling. Here are a few:

Mumbly Peg

Kick the Baby
the ones in those super Humscalade strollers that take up the entire sidewalk make for an especially good and large target - you can be very drunk and still make contact.

Broken Trampoline

Greased Watermelon Polo (in a leaky kiddie pool)
Corny informs me that, after the game is over, you inject the watermelon with grain alcohol for a refreshing summer drink.

Go-Karts
with knife-throwing. ups the ante when a fast-moving target is involved.

any of the above with blindfold.

more.......?

21 Comments:

At 4:28 PM, Blogger Corny said...

The rules of Broken Trampoline is to jump as high as you can. The first person to get their leg shorn off by a broken spring sticking out the side loses.

I'd like to enter the games representing the Republic of Mount Clowington. Our uniforms involve many small hair pieces and maxi-skirts. Your games sound like fun, and you look like your in prime shape, i like you left breast, you let it hang out like that so to distract your opponent? You are a cunning fox

 
At 4:45 PM, Blogger sloth said...

brilliant corny; once the leg is shorn off you're all ready of the 3-legged race! You are a shur-enuf guru of summer sports.

yes, the teat is a tactical maneuver... the best defense is a good offense or somethin.

 
At 4:48 PM, Anonymous krixfort said...

"A Summer's day, a shady nook, a close-cropped green sod, two or three boys, and a jack-knife" equals a recipe for success in my book.

 
At 4:53 PM, Anonymous krixfort said...

You could try Nook And Cranny. The rules are self expanatory.

 
At 5:11 PM, Blogger sloth said...

oh man Krix, are we cramming sod into the nooks and crannies of two or three boys? Is this what we're talking about here?

 
At 6:50 PM, Blogger Corny said...

can we play shove the cherry pit up the nose hole? PD, I challenge thee!

 
At 9:14 PM, Anonymous pd said...

OMG SLothers! Kick the Baby had me on the floor. I WANT TO KICK BABIES!!! I do. What a great end to a day at the shack.

Sloth, Krix...stand back. Corny, I am ready for the pit-toss. This could get ugly.

 
At 9:33 PM, Anonymous Frogs said...

Babies need a good kicking, I am thinking of having triplets just for the sneaker imprint photo op. Have a lovely evening.

 
At 10:32 PM, Blogger Corny said...

sloths, the hand gesture you make, it's very spaz maserson.

Pd, you might as well lay down child 'cause yer dead.

 
At 10:38 PM, Anonymous Vapes said...

Uh, I have been sent here to report that PD has sprained a nostril! She must postpone the match, Corns. She apologizes to ticket holders and scalpers alike.

 
At 10:38 PM, Anonymous vapes said...

And to her fair opponent...Corncub.

 
At 11:20 PM, Blogger Corny said...

Sprained nostril?! thats a likely story. Vapes you tell PchickenD that I know whats going on... this is some sort of psych out. between Sloths dirty pillow handing out and this, I'm beginning to get it that these games are to be played dirty style.

 
At 11:33 PM, Blogger sloth said...

vapes, is PD okay? Is she wearing a tiny ace bandage on her nose? This is exactly what happens when you overtrain for nose aerobics. I kept telling her to increase the weights GRADUALLY and stretch before AND after! jeeeeeez.

 
At 12:18 AM, Blogger sloth said...

and corny, YES hello, of COURSE we play dirty here; this is the STREET, man. You don't see it in the pic but I have a razor blade hidden in my palm, and I've been spitting in the guy's eye so's he can't see. I call that move "drowning cataract."

 
At 9:16 AM, Blogger bradleyrubenstein said...

spanging is also a good outdoor sport.
plus, it is a summer job on top of it.

 
At 10:03 AM, Anonymous Vapes said...

PD has been flown to a clinic in Sweden where they specialize in nose injuries. Thanks for your concern Sloth. I will let her know.

As for you Corny....

 
At 2:18 PM, Anonymous toodles said...

Once I kicked some "art" chained to a parking meter outside FB's loft in Chicago. I don't know why. Mb I was smashed and inspired 'cause I'm usually quite passive (agressive). The really funny part is that when I turned around I realized the "gallery" it was infront of was having an opening and about 20 peeps drinking franzia chardonay were watching me mortified through the window. FB didn't laugh.

 
At 2:27 PM, Anonymous toodles said...

FB olympics? jump her fence, Hop in the neigbor's pool-hole, vault over the motorcycle gazeebo, pry apart the rapes dogs, crawl under the 1/2 stripped corvette then back over FB's fence, tear off your shirt incredible hulk style, eat a hogdog off the grill w/out using your hands, Slam a margarita, plant a perenial and then yodel. Person w/ best time wins.

 
At 11:34 AM, Blogger sloth said...

Toodles, I love your art-kicking story! I have been playing it over and over in my head, psyching myself up for the next time I'm in Chelsea... you are my hero.

 
At 12:37 PM, Anonymous Regi said...

Slothy this is cool

All of us could have a lot of fun with this!!!

 
At 1:51 PM, Blogger Regi said...

Slothy! Slothy! New fun!!!!!

I made my first audiopost on my blog. All I have to do is call a phone number and talk or hold the phone to a speaker or whatever.

 

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