Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Saint Bleph


There once was a hairy guy named Mr. Bleph. He lived in New York, where he was constantly exposed to the beautiful people, the hairless and the tanned. Bleph felt freakish in comparison, so he foolishly decided to get his back and neck waxed, just to "fit in."

The local spa takes walk-ins, so Bleph walked in. The Korean ladies all gasped in horror, and rushed him into the back room. The hot stuff was applied. It hurt like hell, and the results looked strange, as if he had been mowed in patches. So he decided to go all the way; the hairs were ripped out of his chest, his arms and legs, his ass, his scrotum, and finally, his entire head. The blood rushed to the skin and he was inflamed. His whole body itched like mad.

He jumped up off the waxing table, and ran naked out of the spa and into the Duane Reade, where he stood in the unguents aisle and smeared himself with cortisone cream, tube after tube. But it was too late. Mr. Bleph died of the itching, and was declared a saint. Let this be a lesson to you.

14 Comments:

At 11:27 AM, Anonymous a streamlined and saucy Brazilian chick said...

He sounds like a pussy man to me.

 
At 11:32 AM, Blogger sloth said...

actually, it's best that he died. The grow-out would have killed him, anyway.

 
At 11:35 AM, Anonymous Gen Y hippee said...

Celebrate hair!

 
At 11:40 AM, Blogger sloth said...

Yes, although in the summer it can be beastly hot.

 
At 4:48 PM, Anonymous krixfort said...

Thanks again Sloth. I have been contemplating the waxical treatments and this cautionary tale has helped me make up my mind.

 
At 6:22 PM, Blogger sloth said...

Good, Krix. The waxical treatments are only good for small patches (refer to the image of the Guru 2 posts back, for example); any large applications will result in great pain and expense, in the experience of Sloth.

Sloth is considering a reverse mohawk, but this would be achieved with electric razors.

 
At 8:49 PM, Anonymous corny said...

Slothy please to look at the before waxing picture;
http://www.bitoffun.com/weirds-Wolfman_Jack.htm

He is blotchy but no longer must shampoo face.

 
At 11:25 PM, Blogger sloth said...

Pretty! This photo must have been taken after the ear-waxing.

 
At 11:54 AM, Anonymous PD said...

Is this the lead singer for Midnight Oil?

 
At 12:26 PM, Blogger sloth said...

PD, the baldness makes for a resemblance to Peter Garrett, who is the patron saint of 80's Australian indie rock and environmentalism, whereas Saint Bleph is the patron saint of body waxing.

 
At 12:51 PM, Anonymous PD said...

Yes! That's him. They may be related.

 
At 5:32 PM, Anonymous krixfort said...

he also resembles the mutant guy from the classic film "The Hills Have Eyes."

 
At 5:43 PM, Blogger sloth said...

You are so right, Krix! Interesting. Perhaps hairlessness is not the scourge Sloth once believed. The hairless are, perhaps, just the flipside of a particular coin of being.

 
At 11:12 PM, Blogger sloth said...

p.s. Krix, you rock.

 

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