Satan dropped by the log for a visit yesterday, which was a real honor for Slothy. Who knew she was so pretty? She brought a whole herd of minions, too; they would chant everything that she said, right after she said it, which was a little annoying. It made for a kind of "singing-telegram" effect.
Her visit was meant to be a pre-birthday surprise (that terrible day being Saturday), and to offer some delicious food and bev and some kind of offer, the details of which are a little fuzzy... This sales technique seemed kind of cheesy for such a high-profile being as Satan - more suited to a Jehovah's Witness or Amway - but she did make the terms sound pretty good, so the papers were signed.
Afterward there is a slight feeling of unease... buyer's remorse? Whatevs. As with all things, it too will pass, especially with the aid of the fire-water she left. Yum.